Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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