Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
