Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
