Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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