He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
