Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
