Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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