I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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