I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
