i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
