May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
