with your own penis?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
