I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
