Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
