do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
