If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
