YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
