Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
