Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
