I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
