I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
