i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
