We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
