I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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