I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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