I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
