just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She bit a glass in half.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
