I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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