I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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