So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
