How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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