I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
