YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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