I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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