Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
