so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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