I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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