I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
