Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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