8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
where am i from again
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
