Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
