Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
