Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
