I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
