I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
