Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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