i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
