so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
