I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
