You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
