i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
