i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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